nut hugger
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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