There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
