stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize