Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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