My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
