I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
