tell your sister to shave her snatch
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
