Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
bring money and cleavage
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
