he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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