I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Randomize
