so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
