I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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