Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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