No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
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