I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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