I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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