Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
