So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
