My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
