My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize