I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
