So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize