First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
