apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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