He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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