You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I think my moral compass just broke
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
