Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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