I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
