Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
