I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
