i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
