I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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