Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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