he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
