Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize