Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
