paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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