hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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