please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
