had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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