so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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