i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
