who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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