I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
