We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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