We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
