i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
