i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
