dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize