Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
