Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
