Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
