My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
