you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
