It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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