"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
