i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
