are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
