By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
