sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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