he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize