$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
