Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
