oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Come on in and take your pants off
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