I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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