i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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