i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
