***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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