i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
