So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
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