I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
