Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
