You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
