someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
