Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
