Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
