it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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