I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
