whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I smell like Dick and happiness
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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