i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
