Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
