So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
