worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
