shes about as inviting as chlamydia
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
