I wish I only lived at night.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
