Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Watching her eat just hurts me
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
