He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
