I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
