hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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