I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
