I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
