So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
