She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize