So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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