I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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