her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just blew my weed a kiss
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
