omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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