So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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