You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
