how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
smell my finger.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
