I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
