Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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